Me, · Myself, · and · I

Someone nudged me sooooo... here I am. I have been busy....college blows. My husband broke his collarbone a week before Christmas so that was absolutly wonderful *rolls eyes*. I have been playing The Sims 2 and hanging out over at The Meeting Place a Sims 2 website. I also play World of Warcraft in my free time. I defintely miss all my buddies and wish I were on more often. Soooo....I iwll try ot update more even if it is only a word here and there. *hugs to all my buddies*

Ok now don't get me wrong about what I am about to tell you. I am jealous of my husband. He has about ten times more free time than I do. Hunting season just started so now every moment he isn't at work or school he is hunting. Which means when I get home he is too tired to spend any time with me. So I get mad. Yeah dumb and typical reaction right? But it happened. So I kinda (ummm no definitely) bit his head off. He got mad at me and said he is usually tired at 11PM or midnight and just a little more so now that he is hunting. Myself, I respond by saying that he is always too tired to spend time with me anyways. Which isn't technically true. He does stay up late even when he has to get up early. BUT so do I. I go to school at 7AM until 12PM have a two hour break...one of which I spend with him for lunch and the other I spend getting ready for work. at 3 PM I go to work. I get off around 11PM if lucky or midnight if I'm not. I go home hoping to see him and he is asleep. *sighs* Soooo last night I get pissed off, slam out of the house, and hop on my bike (sorry but gas is too high to go storming off in my car LOL). I ride my bike for about twenty miles before I give up and come back home. I curl up in bed next to him, he apologizes we snuggle and go to sleep. This morning we are back to normal. Now I didn't just ignore what happened last night, we both had some apologizing to do and some ruffled feathers to smooth. So I explained to him why I was being a normal woman (emotional, irrational and just plain pissy). He said he would start waiting up for me longer and that when I have time off (when's that you ask? Oh yeah well I should get a day off in about a month) we will go hunting together. This, my dears, is marriage. Big huge fights and then sliding back into normalacy.

Now the other thing that has me flippig shit! VA (veteran's educational benefits to be specific) decided to screw up all the names who begin with A. yup. Our last name is with an A. Shees.... and their excuse is 'we have a new program.' 'So sorry. It will be AT LEAST 8 WEEKS before we can even THINK about sending a check out to you.' Hmmm y'all going to pay my rent, electricity, etc.? Ok well then are you going to CALL my bill collectors? Explain to them why I am going to be late or paying only my minimum payments? No? Well then what are you going to do? OHHH! I see....you are going to wait 8 WEEKS until you EVEN think about IT!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Stupid mother fricking dumb butt jerk offs!!! ARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! I NEED that money....it is the only way we can afford to go to school and the only way we are ever going to get out of this hellhole called Kansas!!!

I really should make sure I eat more so I don't start that stupid downward spiral. I used to be skinny but now am chubby LOL. I know I know psychology majors and shrinks will always tell me that I use food as a crutch and I tell them that it is better than being miserable the rest of my life. I would rather be fat n happy than skinny and cranky. *grins* Well tomorrow is going to rock I hope!! I get to go to a FUN class with my favorite redhead!! (yes my hubby!!) Rappelling! I hope this class will be fun! I'll be on tomorrow late if I am not too tired and will update and let everyone know if it is fun or if it is just deadly boring.

Shees I have no idea what to type. My life feels like it is going to get orse. I am hitting one of those stupid downs I spiral into once in awhile. I hate being depressed but man I need some time. I just want to walk. Just walk out the door and keep walking. End up somewhere I have never been before. Somewhere life doesn't make me miserable. Just walk. Keep walking and walking.... I dunno... I used to do that. I would just walk when I started feeling down and keep wlaking until my life reslved itself in my mind. Then I would turn around and come back. I can't do that anymore. I have to be a responsible adult. Ugh I hate being an adult. I hate bills, not learning what I want to learn, not being able to realize my dreams... I just hate being an adult. If I want to just walk out of the house now I can't. I have to explain to my husband where I am going and what I am doing. I don't want him to worry..I love him. I just sometimes don't want to be around. I just want to be somewhere else. Not all the time...just sometimes. Don't get me wrong I love Peter with all my heart and soul. Occasionally I need to be by myself and just go out away from the city and the traffic and everyone.

Walk, walk away from me
I don't want to see
Walk, walk into the night
I'm tired of this fight
Walk, walk with my strife
Just walk away from this life

That is how I feel. I don't like feeling this way and don't judge me. Everyone at one time or another has been depressed. Usually I am not but sometimes I crumble under all the pressure in my life.

Want to know my pressure? Well, half of my bills aren't paid and am depending on a fairly unreliable financial aid for me to pay it. I live in a inhospitable town where people are either criminally stupid or just plain mean. I have a loving husband who doesn't have a steady job but works at three different unsteady jobs while going to school full time. I work forty hours a week while pulling down 16 credit hours. I have a crap load of homework every night plus cooking dinner and cleaning. Sometimes though I would like to have fun it just ain't gonna happen until I finish school. Which is going to be six months or so from now. Ugh *smacks forehead* I'm going to shut up now!

I am halfway through the week! Woo for me!! *sighs* I think having homework EVERY bloody night for calculus is going to get old real fast. Wellllll....I dunno what I'm doing tonight just working... Booooring. Me n hubby are probably going to get in a fight. I was trying to talk to him but he was to oeager to go out drinking with his coworker... grrr it drives me nuts... especially when I need something to eat... I am the one who is trying to conserve gas right now by riding my bike to work and that means most of the time I don't get to bring a lunch. He said No problem! he would bring me some.... but nope when I tried to talk to him about it he took off like a bat out of hell. *growls* Oh well... I don't get mad easily unless I am hungry (Im hypoglycaemic which means I'm cranky sometimes when I dont eat) and I never stay mad for long. So hopefully if he doesn't piss me off too bad by not calling me back we should be back in marital bliss fairly soon. hehehe

You're the key to handcuffs. You set people free,
or maybe lock them up. You can be sought,
fought over, and valued. Be careful who you let
use you; you can be an instrument of justice or
injustice depending on your choice.


What sort of key are you and what do you unlock?
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Your Birthdate: April 19

Your birth on the 19th day of the month adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your life path. But at the same time, it poses a number of obstacles to overcome before you are able to be as independent as you would like. The number 1 energy suggests more executive ability and leadership qualities than your path may have indicated. A birthday on the 19th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. However, a somewhat self-centered approach to life that may be in conflict with some of the other influences in your life. This 1 energy may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad brush. You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed. You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations. You do not tend to follow convention or take advice very well. Consequently, you tend to learn through experience; sometimes hard experiences. The 19/1 is a loner number and you may experience feelings of being alone even if you are married. You may take on a tendency to be nervous and angry.

Holy COW!!! This birth date one has me down to a T! Wicked!

Ok another day another dollar right? Shees....it's been another day and I swear I lost a dollar not gained one! Tomorrow starts a little later but goes on until 10PM. I have a night class, morning classes, a test to take, and work. *groans* Just two more semesters and I will get to move out of this bloody state! I want to go to Wyoming soooo bad I would even sell my mother (already tried no buyers)!! *grins* Just joking about me mommy...I love my family I really do but OMG! I KNEW there was a reason I moved out when I was 17!! *smacks forehead* Oh well... enough whining and groaning. I have to do some exercises tonight with my injured wrist in the hopes that by Saturday it is healed enough to do my rappelling class! *crosses fingers* I REALLY am looking forward to this class even if I have to get up at the buttcrack of dawn to do it!

Hmmm....today was the end of the first week back in college. *sighs* I don't think I like me public speaking teacher. too much like high school and the guy goes on n on n on. Not about school stuff....I wouldn't mind THAT! He talks about things that have no bearing on the current subject or even anything to do with speech. I think he just likes to talk. I don't actually mind this but I do pay quite a bit of money to go to college and hope to goodness that we get on topic awfully quick so that my money isn't wasted. Well.....other than that I'm at work doing homework and tlaking to my buddies online. Soon I will go home and play Guild Wars and maybe Sims 2. Those are my two obsessions.